Flowers for some, death for all!

I'M BACK! AN OUTMODED FORMAT'S STORY

Guys, it's been far too long. Here's what I've been up to in the five years (yeah, I don't know how that happened, either) since I yelled about a YA book, in no particular order:

1. Earned a doctorate in educational leadership
2. Switched jobs twice (and switched roles in each year)
3. Moved into a new house; discovered that building things and remodeling things is costly, but rewarding
4. Got into podcasting on subjects other than YA books.
5. Followed KISS around on their last three farewell tours. 

One of the above items isn't true; I wish it was number one. Let's put that degree, which will pay for itself in 17 years at this rate, to use, and discuss the themes in the timeless, Hugo- and Nebula-winning (and Hugo- and Nebula-deserving) novel Flowers For Algernon by Daniel Keyes, despite its being written in the dreaded EPISTOLARY FORM. 

Flowers! Is there an Al Jarreau N. here?

SCIENCE FICTION: MY HAPPY PLACE

We all know that science fiction is the hip, newfangled place to couch contemporary social commentary, as the disguise of aliens/technology/funny looking weirdos is just enough to get away with your morality tale. Well, usually. Just as with any fiction that threatens the milquetoast status quo and challenges us to actually THINK ABOUT SOMETHING OTHER THAN MEMES, Algernon has subject to attempts at school censorship throughout the decades since its publication.  Therefore, I already admire it. Not to mention that Keyes adapted his own short story to novel length, because he had a BIG IDEA that needed more fleshing out. 

Such is Algernon, although Keyes eschews the metaphors and goes right for the jugular with a realistic take on the question of what would happen if people could become instantly intelligent, or perhaps, what if we were all geniuses? As if that wasn't enough, he retells the adolescent sexual awakening (Oh, so that's why repressed dorks don't want their kids reading this!) through Charlie, who at 32 is just now becoming self-aware after undergoing a treatment that increased his intelligence. Keyes gets into some of the technobabble around it, but I'd rather he just called in the MacGuffin Procedure and moved on. 

So, where to begin? How about a list of themes and nuggets in convenient list form?

• Theme: No level of intelligence can solve interpersonal relationships. 
• Runner-up theme: We'll never know all there is to know, nor will we transcend our corporeal beings to become one with the universe, isn't that, like, tragic?
• Nuggets:

1. Growth and change (physical and intellectual)
2. Ethics of manipulating human traits/physiology
3. Social taboo of being the "other" 
4. Society's treatment of people with disabilities
5. Post-traumatic stress, particularly navigating the effects of child abuse
6. Societal alienation
7. Self-actualization
8. I want to beat up those jerks at the bakery, those jerks at the lab. Know what? I want to beat up everyone but Alice. Okay, there is some closure with most everyone at the end, but it takes ages for anyone to actually stand up for Charlie, especially after he reverts. 

So there's tons to unpack here, and Keyes gives us a lot to run with, think about, discuss, AND with the benefit of the book being 60 years old, we can see how far we've come (spoiler: three inches!). That said, although Keyes makes massive statements via Charlie about how we treat those around us who do not conform to the norm (who sets the norm, anyway? Boring people, that's who), be it intellectually, stylistically, and so on, Charlie is not entirely woke: 

At least Fay combats that dumb perspective. Don't worry! We'll get to these issues off and on for 70 years, make/change laws, but sustain barely discernible progress as a society.  But SERIOUSLY, the entire sexual awakening of Charlie is tied into his stunted emotional being, and for teenagers** who are dealing with their own version of that, which, as I recall, isn't too far off what Keyes wrote, it can be a comfort to witness another's similar confusion and know they're not alone. Sure, he's 30-something and also now the smartest person in the world, but he's still a total dodo with the ladies. Hey, confidence boost for me! Although there is a fair amount of sex and sexual situations in the book, Keyes is trying to PROVE A POINT with them, not be pornographic. It's this content that surely led to the book being challenged numerous times. Lastly on this topic, Charlie's romantic relationships are problematic, but he himself is aware of that, which is intentionally communicated to the reader as a what-not-to-do when one's feelings get all twisted up for a romantic other. You mean, we can LEARN from BOOKS?! 

**My copy is a discard from a middle school library. Okay, 8th grade is waaay too young for 98.5% of readers to pick up this book and be able to identify with it. 10th grade would be my personal threshold for teaching it. 

I didn't mention this as one of the nuggets, but it does deserve recognition: the idea of human isolation. Charlie lives in the New York City but is essentially a loner when we meet him. His friends abuse him, he's seen as less than human by the scientists who want to experiment on him, and Alice is the only one in the whole city who treats him with the respect he deserves. After the procedure, as his intelligence grows exponentially, Charlie is able to finally communicate effectively with people, but he's STILL ALONE with his thoughts and books. Even on the backslide at the end, he all but barricades himself in his apartment and doesn't want the world to see him for what he "really" is; the scarred, frightened child who just doesn't understand. 

Ugh, there's so much to talk about, so why not reference the name in the book's title. Algernon is an avatar for Charlie, and Keyes does well to avoid the save-the-cat trope with him. We feel bad when Algernon's mental health takes a turn, and he ultimately dies, because that portends Charlie's fate. Plus, he's a cute fuzzball. 

Back to the idea of 70 years of perspective being cat upon this book: in all honesty, not much has changed. Those we cannot or will not care for are institutionalized; those institutions are understaffed, underfunded, and the people who keep them afloat should be on our currency. Experiments on humans, at least, need more thorough oversight before they remotely have a prayer of moving forward. And, although it's mostly used clinically in the book (and not much anymore in that regard), we still can have the conversation about the stigma of the dreaded r-word. I don't have much to say about it other than: you know better. 

One final note: the author's stylistic choice to write in epistolary form actually enhances the novel, and allows him to explore the grammar and syntax of writing at differing levels of perception and intelligence. I paid particular attention to how Charlie's writing mechanics, as well as ideas and organization, improved soon after the procedure. The author doesn't point it out, but makes subtle shifts that affect readability and SHOULD make us aware that Charlie is changing. When the reverse happens near the end, well, get the tissues. Ugh, the frustration he feels as he loses his faculties? We all get to experience that one, and don't need big brain surgery to make it so.

I'd continue, but you get the picture. Read the book, choose a nugget, and chew on it for hours. This is a must read for any science fiction fan, given that it braves its time to deliver scathing, but insightful, social commentary, yet easily appeals to the masses for its message and an ending that narrowly averts melodramatic disaster. 

NEXT TIME, I YELL ABOUT

The debut novel by a guy who fronted a band named The Butthole Surfers. Let's just say I'm going to stay out of the water!

BORING STUFF

Flowers For Algernon

Daniel Keyes

1966 Harcourt

I am happy to report that I finally read The Book Thief.

It was good.

GRR

LET'S COMMIT VANDALISM

I just read Brian Vaughan's Pride of Baghdad, which I bought in 2010 and had yet to read, if that gives you any idea of my backlog. First: Vertigo published this graphic novel, so you know it's not for all YA, as Vertigo is DC Comics' division for more mature material, such as the masterful 100 Bullets, Hellblazer, The Sandman, and Vaughan's own Y: The Last Man. That's all hard-boiled material, so keep this in mind before sitting your toddler down to look at the book with the talking lions.* There's implied lion sex, lion sexual assault, lions arguing, and lots of lion and bear blood, but there isn't a lot of cursing, so in our culture, this story is acceptable for broadcast television, but should only be read by people 17 and over. 

Vaughan bases this novel on the story of starving lions who escaped the Baghdad Zoo after American bombing raids in the 2003 invasion, and creates an allegorical narrative for the multiple perspectives of people in Iraq regarding what to do with their newfound "freedom." I find this graphic novel to be too short without being succinct, and perhaps too vague for young readers to readily interpret, but it may work well with older students in using their reading and social science skills to parse out which general perspective on war and freedom each character represents, and how those perspectives compete in modern Iraq and/or in general. This is a difficult topic to write about, and the execution is choppily incomplete, but the concept is brilliant, and I applaud Vaughan for trying. Lions are neato. And now for the fun. 

In the spirit of explosions and destruction and realizing new possibilities, let's vandalize the Wikipedia article for this book. Below, you'll find a copied version of the article with my edits, that will be removed from Wiki in, I don't know, six seconds after I post. So, I'll preserve them below to honor our fallen lion friends. The original text will be in black; anything I strike looks like this; my additions are in red. I haven't done this kind of thing in a few years, so bear with me as I shake off the rust and make jokes. I used to do a lot of "writing" over at Uncyclopedia, a glorious time-waster in terms of making fun of our dumb world and/or just being silly.

*Note to self: Sneak Pride of Baghdad into my nephew's pile of Lion King coloring books. Watch him quickly become a raving lunatic. 

EL BARTO

Pride of Baghdad

From Wikipedia, the free encyclopedia

with tight controls on what information gets to appear, so if you think about it, not really that free, eh? DID I JUST BLOW YOUR MIND?

Pride of Baghdad
Cover to Pride of Baghdad Caption by Captain Obvious
Publication information
Hitchcock Film- Inspired Publisher	Vertigo
No Genre
Publication date	September 13, 2006
Creative team
"Writer(s)"	Brian K. Vaughan
Artist(s)	Niko Henrichon
Lettererman(s)	Todd Klein David
Editor(s)	Will Dennis? Maybe. Casey Seijas

Pride of Baghdad is a graphic novel thinly-veiled allegory written by Brian K. Vaughan and illustrated has pretty pictures by Niko "McBrain" Henrichon released by DC Comics' Vertigo imprint on September 13, 2006.^[1] The story is a fictionalized factual account of the fictionalized true story of four African lions that escaped from the Baghdad Zoo And Pub after an American bombing in 2003. The book won the IGN award (whatever that is) for best original graphic novel in 2006.^[2]

Contents

  [hide] [seek]

• 1 Plot
• 2 Production
• 3 Characters
  • 3.1 Main characters
  • 3.14 Pi
  • 3.2 Secondary characters
  • 3.3 Tertiary characters
• 4 Reception
• 5 References upon request
• 6 No one reads this section

Plot[edit] [Don't mind if I do!]

The story, much like Mars, revolves around the brief freedom experienced by a small modest pride of captive lions, who escape from Baghdad Zoo during the 2003 invasion of Baghdad by the U.S.-led coalition, which you learned by reading the introduction to this article. Please, accept our apologies for being superfluous. As the lions roam the streets of Baghdad trying to survive arguing philosophies of self-determination and the nature of man in relation to establishing government about food, each lion comes to embody a different, underdeveloped viewpoint regarding the Iraq War, and a turtle yells at them for being naive.^[3]

Production Anecdote[edit] 

Speaking on the decision to publish Pride of Baghdad as a single volume rather than the more common serial form, Vaughan stated, "I wanted readers to experience the suddenness with which these animals' lives were changed and that worked much better in a story that can be read in one sitting to give me all their money at once...the learning curve for writing a 136-page self-contained novel and installing my new hot tub was steep, but I'm thrilled with how it turned out."^[4]

Characters and a boatload of spoilers[edit]

Main Mane characters[edit]

• Zill, the alpha male (and only adult male) of the pride. Though usually mild-mannered, he begins to show signs of aggression and proves to be a competent fighter when threatened, and tells the same story over and over about being able to see the horizon, an obvious symbol of freedom. 
• Safa, an old lioness who is blind in one eye and has a torn ear. She has become accustomed to captivity and views the human advantage of their new freedom. It is implied that she once used to be Zill's mate (rawr!). Her remaining eye is clawed out in a fight with Fajer. At the end of the story, she is shot dead by U.S. soldiers after trying to protect Noor and Ali.
• Noor, a younger lioness, mother to Ali (mama named him Clay; I'ma call him Clay), and Zill's current mate. She longs for freedom from the zoo. She and Safa rarely agree, and they often fight verbally.
• Ali, Noor's young cub, a Simba impersonator who is unceremoniously shot to pieces.

Secondary characters[edit]

• Bukk, a lion from Safa's past. He is the one who blinded her and mutilated her ear after she clawed him and proceeded to rape her before allowing his brothers to do the same. This represents Iraq's previous autocratic governments and I've now read consecutive books with gratuitous rape scenes. Excuse me while I vomit. 
• Bukk's brothers, Bukk's brothers appear in Safa's memory about her past. They took turns raping her after Bukk did so. Christ almighty, do we already need a reminder?
• An unnamed sea turtle who speaks with Safa and Ali about the past war and plays the resigned, grizzled old-timer archetype brilliantly. Vaughan stated, "At first I wanted more of a wacky neighbor archetype, but a scheming sea turtle named Kramer was too far-fetched. 
• Fajer, a blood-thirsty bear who challenges the group to Pictionary. He eats most of the meals intended for Rashid, leading to the latter dying of starvation, representing the political and social elite loyal to the dictatorships. He is first encountered by Safa and Noor, who attempt to bring him down; their failed attack results in him clawing out Safa's only good eye, rendering her fully blind even more grumpy than usual. Before he can move in to kill a wounded Noor knee, Zill appears and challenges him to hopscotch. Fajer initially has the upper hand paw, but Zill gouges his nose customers before tackling him through a wall and onto the street below. Seriously injured, Fajer continues to mock the lions' nature because he's rich and greedy, remember?, at which point Zill signals Ali to scare a group of horses into a stampede which crushes Fajer multiple times. Near death and in tremendous pain, Fajer begs the lions to kill him becomes personified irony, which Zill refuses, believing a quick death is too good for him. They leave him to die slowly in agony.
• Rashid, a tortured pet lion on the verge of death. He passes away due to starvation as Fajer ate all of the meals intended for him. Seeing him in such a horrible condition results in an argument between Safa and Noor. Noor claims that humans Saddam Hussein!!!!!! did this to him, but Safa retorts by saying that while humans kept them captive, they were not torturers, at which point the ghosts of John Locke and Thomas Hobbes appear and everyone runs away screaming. Noor responds by saying that no matter what, those that would hold them captive are always tyrants and that if they had remained in captivity, sooner or later they would've continued to pointlessly squabble until they wound up like Rashid. At this point, Fajer enters, violently claiming that Rashid was a spoiled pet that lived as comfortably as the lions ever did at the zoo. Oh, SNAP. 

Reception[edit]

Writer Brian K. Vaughan signing a copy of the book at Midtown Comics in Manhattan.

IGN named Pride of Baghdad the Best Original Graphic Novel Depicting Lions of 2006, calling it a "modern classic slow year", and commenting that the book "can be enjoyed on several two levels. Those wanting a 'simple' tale of survival and dysfunctional family will find that. Those wanting a powerful, gripping analogy of war will find that as well elsewhere. Writer Brian K. Vaughan was also careful to avoid pinpointing any one particular viewpoint - each lion sort of represents a different attitude, which is refreshing since many books do not allow that choice, as it's a well-established fact that reading a book inhibits the decision-making part of the brain. Featuring stunning artwork by Niko Henrichon, there is no way any comic book reader should pass up this graphic novel."^[3] Dorkgasm (A Time Warner subsidiary) described it as "one of the most poignant anthropomorphic stories since Animal Farm; Charlotte's Web can go pound sand."^[5]

References[edit]

1. Jump up^ Pride of Baghdad at VertigoPsychoRearWindow website
2. Jump up^ IGN Best Comics of 2006
3. ^ Jump up to:^a b IGN.com presents "Best of 2006: Decent Original Graphic Novel". IGN. Retrieved March 17, 2012.
4. Jump up^ Dave Richards (September 11th, 2006) The Joy of Pride: Vaughan talks "Pride of Baghdad" and mortgage amortization", Comic Book Resources, accessed May 10, 2013
5. Jump up^ Michael C. Riedlinger (August 28, 2007) CRITICAL ANALYSIS: PRIDE OF BAGHDAD - Conflict Begets Conflic, Dorkgasm.com, accessed by someone who admits to looking at something called "Dorkgasm"

External links no one will ever click[edit]

• Official MySpace page for Pride of Baghdad Haha! Brilliant joke! Oh wait, it's real. 
• A visual step-by-step from Niko Henrichon, the book's artist
• Brian K. Vaughan's Roaring Pride, Publishers Weekly, June 20, 2006.
• BBC News US troops kill Baghdad lions
• "CNN" What's a Battle?
• The Joy of Pride: Vaughan Talks Pride of Baghdad, Comic Book Resources

NEXT TIME, I YELL ABOUT

You know what? I haven't yet decided. I'll get back to you. Let's just say IT'S A SURPRISE!

BORING STUFF

Pride of Baghdad

Brian K Vaughan

2006 Vertigo

Depressed? Want to be MORE depressed? Read this book.

AMATEUR HOUR AT THE Y.A. CORRAL

Vince Gilligan, creator of Breaking Bad, said in some interview that making a television show in which the characters actually undergo profound change was a challenge and a blessing for him, as it is uncommon in television. It takes but a cursory examination of the content of scripted TV to see that it is a rare undertaking. Some shows take small steps with characters, which can be believable and satisfying, but often the changes are forced by a deus ex, often in response to ratings or a race to the finish of a season or series. Breaking Bad was able to draw out the changes in its characters and thoroughly examine them, which was brilliant, wrenching, and sometimes frustrating; the end result, however, is worth the time. 

Not so with this latest book. One imagines that the novel is the perfect medium for recording the process of transformation in protagonists and their perceptions and relationships. In A More Deserving Blackness (I thought at first it was by Malcolm X), Anglea Wolbert's two main characters circle around their personal tragedies and dysfunctionally come together through manufactured arguments and misunderstandings.

tl:dr - I made the mistake of dumpster diving in the free YA books on the Kindle.

Plot: Bree, a 19-year old rape victim, moves a couple towns over to live with her sister and start senior year of high school. Oh, and she doesn't speak, as she's been emotionally trapped in her rape experience for two years. She meets Logan, the hunky social outcast with a mysterious past. He yells a lot and has anger issues stemming from his own personal tragedy, yet Bree feels safe and comfortable with him. CAN SHE SUMMON THE COURAGE TO DROP HER DEFENSES AND ACCEPT HIS LOVE??????? 

Not him.

Answer: Sort of. It starts with the old new-girl-in-town trope, which leads to a sexual assault and Logan heroically swooping in. From there, it's dozens of pages of what could have been a fascinating meditation on the psychology of rape victims and what they experience afterwards. Wolbert ALMOST gets us there at times with Bree blaming herself, the persistent nightmares, self-harm, and some discussion of the selective mutism, but she's more concerned about getting to the intercourse, of which there is a lot, making the book's cover image all the more disturbing. From there it's all downhill into standard erotica/romance of two "broken" people finding comfort in one another, and any hopes for character development is gone. I suppose what's most irritating is that these people allow their tragedies to define them, and as a result do not become dynamic characters, but rather, caricatures of rape and abuse victims who are perpetually stuck in the second stage of grief. (Anger. It's ANGER. HOW CAN YOU NOT KNOW THAT?! AAAARRRGGHHH). So, between bouts of sex in which the author was too bashful to write "penis," "vagina," or "lumpy," we get Logan, who is up front about his past and how it affects him (yelling, throwing things, force feeding Bree), and Bree, who can't - emotionally or physically - tell Logan what happened to her. We get bits and pieces of it throughout the narrative and it's easy to fill in the blanks, no matter how far-fetched. Now, I know that the act itself is about power over another person, and the helplessness the victim experiences, but the statistics don't bear out the commonality of being raped by a stranger, at gunpoint, near Ferris wheel. So, when Bree finds that Logan has a gun, and later when he takes Bree to a carnival, these are triggers (tee hee) for her, which is the among the best the book has to offer in the aforementioned area of psychological consequences. Then, Wolbert ruins it by making them have sex right after the gun thing, and then having Logan beaten to death at the carnival. 

Somehow, I'm making this book sound way more eventful than it actually is. There's so much angst and manufactured conflict that this descends quickly into melodrama. My reading experience for this book went something like this:

1. Read half a chapter

2. Moan in boredom

3. Check my overall percentage of book read: 5%.

4. Read half of the remaining half of the chapter

5. Slam head against wall

6. Check overall percentage: 6%

7. Notice editing errors that should have been caught, like "you're shirt," and a botched reference to Bree's own personality as "Mr. Jekyll and Dr. Hyde." I stared at that for an hour in disbelief. MISTER Jekyll and DOCTOR Hyde? How do you mess that up? 

Another note: Despite the YA designation, none of the sex is well-thought out; the characters fall right into it without any explicit permission being granted. Not that you should have to formally request to sensually smooch someone,* but it would be nice to see consent. I don't recall anything about them using protection, either, which isn't surprising considering they spend their time in health class eyeballing each other instead of paying attention. Replace the Young Adult label with young ADULT XXX and you might get somewhere. 

*My attorney always advises me to get a double-notarized document before pursuing such shenanigans.  

I'm truly astounded by the glut of 4-5 star ratings for this book on Amazon and Goodreads, which is now $2.99; I'M SO LUCKY I FOUND IT FREE (SARCASM!!!1!!). I suppose in comparison to the utter garbage peddled for free on the Kindle store, this is a masterpiece. I have a much more rigorous basis for rating, you know, like, does this make any sense whatsoever. One reviewer wrote in glowing terms of the character development (WRONG), another praised Wolbert from keeping the drama from being soapy (WRONGER), and that inside this dark tale there is plenty of optimism (ON THE VERY LAST PAGE). Some more astute reviewers, WHO STILL GAVE THIS BOOK FOUR STARS, noted that there are so many loose ends to this book, and they're absolutely right. Plot points that go nowhere. Characters who appear once or twice for no apparent reason. Some vague references to a kind of telepathic bond Logan and Bree share, as their tragedies occurred on the same date. Hell, I don't know. By that point I was reading the backs of cereal boxes that were more entertaining. 

Have a I learned my lesson? Will I stop reading the free YA books from the Kindle store? Will I probably soon upload video of me dramatically reciting some of the most hideous prose I find? Will I stop asking myself questions with easy answers? Last one: Should you read this book? HAHAHAHA NO.

NEXT TIME, I YELL ABOUT

A graphic novel that's sat on my shelf, waiting for four years to be read. Sorry book, let's just say if I said I WAS SORRY, I'D BE LION!

BORING STUFF

A More Deserving Blackness

Angela Wolbert

2014 Some company dumb enough to publish it

The Master

ROALD DAHL, HAVE MY BABIES

There is no substitute: Dahl is a charter member of my own personal Pantheon Of Greatness and is probably in yours, too, from his works for younger readers. Everyone remembers James & The Giant Peach, The BFG, and some incarnation of Charlie and the Chocolate Factory (If you prefer Johnny Depp's Willy Wonka to Gene Wilder's, please click here). This man mastered the language and broke its rules, but only because he knew them. He made us laugh and think as kids, but many do not know that he wrote for YA and adults as well, composing dozens of short stories throughout his career that span his own personal life and development, from quasi-fictional retelling of his WWII experiences as a pilot to tales of guile, betrayal, power, and the downfall of hubris. Invariably, in Dahl's world, someone gets what is coming. 

As I re-read The Umbrella Man, a mixed short story collection gifted to me by a friend years ago, who found some of Dahl in me - a great honor to me and a woeful mistake on her part - I found Dahl to be prescient. His stories have been co-opted consciously or unconsciously by the generations after him, and never to the same degree of cleverness and skill. His oddball characters in strange situations, or puffed up, gentrified ingrates come to life and invigorate the imagination in ways most authors cannot channel. It's a gift. I should know because I found the receipt and returned it for cash. Whoops. 

For this volume, I selected some of Dahl's stories that are directly related to a later product and attempt to establish the links between to you, my faithful three readers (Hi Dad!). This is more to demonstrate my thought process rather than to attempt to prove that the Dahl Family Trust should sue the people below for plagiarism.  

WHAT WE TALK ABOUT WHEN WE TALK ABOUT ROALD DAHL STORIES

The Great Automatic Grammatizator: Here, a man pitches an idea for automated books, in which a machine strings together sentences on a topic to create a work of literature. No pesky writers and editors to pay, just R&D for the machine. But of course, that's not the whole story. One by one, legitimate writers sign lucrative contracts with the Grammatizator's corporation to never write again, sacrificing their artistic endeavors for soulless piles of money as this esteemed bastion of human creation becomes mechanized. The ending of this story is particularly macabre. Signature Dahl.

Reminds me of: the story about books written by algorithm, a software system that authors books on just about any topic, and can even write romance novels, which doesn't at all surprise me give how formulaic and predictable they are. Take me, Grammatizator, I burn for your touch! And get me out of this girdle; the crap I put up with to find a hunky prince.
--

The Landlady: A young man travelling to his company's field office is drawn to a cozy inn for the night. There are only two other names in the guest book, and they look familiar. The landlady is creepy, and she has a plan for her guest.

Reminds me of: 

Breakfast is at 8. I sit at the HEAD of the table! HA! HA! 

--

Parson's Pleasure: A con artist travels the English countryside posing as a minister who collects old furniture from rubes for a fictional preservation society. Naturally, he instead finds antique pieces and sells them at auction for high prices. He stops at a house of three distrusting hicks, who listen intently at all of his descriptions of how a person might imitate a particularly valuable table, and trust him enough to sell. They're not certain how such a large table will fit in his station wagon so they [no spoilers!]...

Reminds me of:  I'm sure there's an Aesop fable just like this, except the "parson" is a grasshopper, the rubes are squirrels, and the furniture is a nest, or acorns or some crap.
--

Katina: From 1944, Dahl writes about the RAF campaign in Greece, which is where he served. It's straightforward and a vivid account of the insanity of WWII, as he and his colleagues find an injured 9-year old Greek girl and essentially adopt her, until the Germans attack their airfield and all hell breaks loose. This is one of his earlier works, and does not have his devilish cleverness, but it

Reminds me of:

Two more in the Pantheon of Greatness.

Kurt and Joe's contemporary. Dahl is best known for stories with mutated morals and biting wit, which is a fair approximation of how Kurt and Joe approached their characters as well. What if Billy Pilgrim had to fly missions over the BFG? Okay, that would be stupid.

Royal Jelly: A bee biologist and his wife are concerned about their infant child, who won't gain weight. Suddenly, the guy gets an idea to feed the baby royal jelly, which is produced as a growth serum for some bees. I forget all the scientific details, but the point is, this psycho feeds it to his baby, much to the shock and dismay of wife. Then it gets creepy.

Reminds me of:

A naked Jeff Goldblum is reason enough.

Give them little lawnmowers so they can do their chores.

Call it a mashup of these two. I know that The Fly is based somewhat on a short story from the 1950s, and Honey inspiration came partially from The Incredible Shrinking Man. So why aren't there any movies about a guy who breeds bee food babies, when there are about 19 Police Academies?

Vengeance Is Mine, Inc.: Two unlucky young scamps in New York City hatch a plot to get revenge for socialites who are trashed in gossip columns. From a nose punch to a snake in a limo, they'll do the dirty work for a quick buck. Of course, the socialites are ruthless and pour money on these guys, who suddenly feel the pressure to perform.

Reminds me of: 

Dead hookers!

This one doesn't prompt as many moral discussions, but it does have Chris Farley. And, if Norm Macdonald wasn't so lazy, he could have been a lot like Roald Dahl. Aye, but nay.

I AM RIGHT.

These stories are for YA and adults, and they're a fantastic continuation for readers who experienced Dahl as a child, and often can accompany discussions of morals and values, and asking students to make predictions based on what is usually an uncertain ending. I can't add much to the Dahl discussion, but I know greatness when I read it. Buy all his books and put his great-grandchildren through college.

NEXT TIME, I YELL ABOUT

A free book from the Kindle store. Why I was up at 4am trolling that trash heap, I'll never know. Let's just say this book ISN'T OFF THE CHAIN!

BORING STUFF

The Umbrella Man

Roald Dahl

1996 Puffin

A mustachioed man tells kids that there is life beyond death and spirits all around them. Hilarity ensues.

HELP ME, JAMES VAN PRAAGH

Disclaimer: I have no interest in what lies beyond this world and whether we can communicate with spirits (other than what I've seen in The X-Files), for two main reasons: I can hardly keep track of what's going on in this world and communicate with the whackjobs on this plane of existence; the people who purport to have these abilities are usually difficult to keep track of, and are total whackjobs. So there's that.

HOWEVER, that won't stop me from reading the literature and attempting to understand what they're trying to tell me without making me sit still to summon my spirit animals. I snapped up (that's code for "borrowed for free from the library because I'm a public employee") Looking Beyond by James Van Praagh, allegedly a foremost authority on spirit communication.

Comparing himself to John The Baptist, or covering for falling into the pool?

BEYOND BELIEF

First impression: I'm pleased that this guide exists. Most adolescents don't know how to look beyond the thought in their brain at a particular moment, or beyond their own image in the mirror. [Note: when smartphone technology kills the mirror industry, don't come crying to me. Sell your stock now and sail to Cuba.] The kids need to know what they're getting into when the real world approaches. Not that being a medium or believing in the spirit world will land them a job (exception: maybe here); there is merit in some of the generalities of spiritual guidance in terms of setting priorities, centering one's thoughts, and creating an attitude that does not accept self-defeatism. In some regard, Van Praagh does this better than the secular and non-ghosty self-help books.

This begs one question, which has dogged me for ten seconds and (presumably) mediums for years: How does one bridge the connection between adolescents and the spirit world? The answer, of course, is popular culture. In the first four pages of the book, JVP (I'll call him that for brevity and because we're both down with the cause) references The 6th Sense, Men In Black, and The Matrix. JVP says of The Matrix, "the movie struck a chord in everyone who saw it." True. Mine was, "I hope they don't ruin it with a a couple of sequels." Anyway, he supplements the movie references with mentions of Britney Spears, Allen Iverson Reeboks (What?!) and most ironically, Marion Jones. JVP cranked this book out in 2002, so the references make sense in that context, and it was long before Jones admitted to doping for much of her track career, including the 2000 Olympics. JVP uses her as an example of someone to aspire to emulate. He may want to print a redacted version.

After the pop culture well runs dry quickly, JVP retells It's A Wonderful Life in a compact fashion. [Why can't old movies be made into 15-minute short films? They'd get to the point much faster and then I can go back to complaining about modern things.] Then he says too much TV rots your brain and kills your creativity.* At that point, lots of adolescents might call this well-meaning man a hypocrite and leave the room. Or maybe just me. Then, he digs into endless analogies: Your brain is computer. Your mind is like a radio. Your soul is a blender and your soulmates are toasters. Sorry, I'm writing in my kitchen.

*JVP writes about positive energy being the sole catalyst for creativity. Oh yeah? Edgar Allen Poe. I rest my case.

I SUPPOSE I COULD DISCUSS THE ACTUAL CONTENT

In a scant 180 pages, JVP zips through souls, spirits, heaven, karma, dreams, energies, ghosts, meditation, intuition, soulmates, yet makes time for self-help strategies for establishing goals and meeting them. He also has a story for EVERY SITUATION IMAGINABLE. I have to wonder how many of these are made up. There's one that clearly takes place in a fantasy world: a teenage boy develops a gambling problem and steals from his mom's purse to buy in and/or cover his debts. After denying the crime three times (!), the kid confesses and his dad grounds him for a month. I'll say that again. For stealing hundreds of dollars from his mom and lying for weeks, he is GROUNDED FOR ONE MONTH. My dad would have me polishing doorknobs with my face and march me into gambler's anonymous meetings until I was thirty. I'm pretty sure I grew up with some kids who never faced dire consequences for their behavior, and they're now either in prison or politics.

JVP provides "signposts" for the reader to think about after every small section, such as to trust one's hunches, because they are often right; it's a version of foresight, I suppose. For all of the topics he covers, there is very little development of content, which I found disappointing. Further, the key to all of this is belief, which he rarely discusses. I suppose that wouldn't be too "groovy," like in Austin Powers (joke). At one point he writes, "You picked your parents in order to learning something about yourself." I don't know where to start with this one. Definitely not starting with MY parents; you're not my counselor and I recently signed a gag order forbidding me from discussing them in public. (Joke...for now.) To his credit, JVP discusses people born into abusive or neglectful families, but once again, there is little depth. Not that I want to sit down and debate him about the fate of crack babies and children who are tortured by their families and surroundings, but the claim that "each soul has a particular task to complete" doesn't sit well with a soul "choosing" their parents. That's where we differ, and I'd rather not argue the point. Rather, let's watch him have a weird conversation with Chelsea Handler:

I do commend JVP for wanting to help adolescents. He repeatedly tells them that the power to do what's right comes from within. Why can't we seek help from outside ourselves? I mean, other than JVP? Oh, he agrees with me in the last chapter. Good. Because I'm right! 

MEDIA-LOATHING MEDIUM

Funny to watch people who make their living by appearing on talk shows to promote their products trashing the media. Hey, now HE'S right! Not only does popular culture/media help us understand the spirit world while destroying our minds, it also gives airtime to people who do strange and disturbing things, such as kill other people, exploit and shame others, advertise spray-on hair...or claim to be psychic mediums. Right on, JVP! 100% See you on TV never again! Just say no to appearances on talk shows and infomercials! Don't tell those disturbing stories about teenagers being tempted to steal CDs (Remember, it was 2002; the correct answer now: tell your friend to illegally download it like everyone else). 

I don't actually want him to leave TV, nor do I find him a hypocrite or a fraud. He's harmless, really. Maybe I can finagle a free reading out of this and become a believer. 

Mulder! Scully! JVP! I see dead people! I know Kung Fu! 

NEXT TIME, I YELL ABOUT

A master storyteller, better know for his children's books than the stories for young adults who must learn the ways of the world, and older adults, who have been broken by the ways of the world. Let's just say it's time for JVP TO STAND ASIDE FOR THE BFG!

BORING STUFF

Looking Beyond: A Teen's Guide to the Spiritual World

James Van Praagh

2003 Touchstone