I judged a book by its cover and all I got was this lousy blog entry

FREE BOOK ALERT

I'm in some YA book groups on Google+. While making clever (to me) comments on others' posts, I came across Ginger Gelsheimer's promo for The Aurora Conspiracy, a digital book series "inspired by Raiders of the Lost Ark, Ancient Aliens, and Doctor Who." And I thought, I have to try this, for it combines two of my favorite pieces of media and a series some nerds I know like to talk about.  

Best part: It's free! Worst part: It's part one of about 584. But, I'm not here to discuss Ms. Gelsheimer's shrewd marketing strategy; you can find that one my blog, JB Yells About Supply, Demand, War Profiteering, And 'No Soliciting' Signs. ON TO THE REVIEW, I SAY.  

Look for the next prequel series: Aurora Conspiracy: NCIS; SVU: CSI: WTF

BUYER BEWARE

I am flummoxed. First chapter: warp speed ships, energy crystals, Atlantis, tribrids (awesome) aliens from some place called Erebus (DARKNESS!) who are headed to Earth. As if that doesn’t completely blow your circuits, in the second chapter, there’s a principled 19th century Texas judge. At that point, I almost gave up, but the Texas judge had someone executed, which restored order to this story.

I’m tempted to go into a nuanced explication of the names of people and places that are reminiscent of something else, but that would be disingenuous to Ginger (I’ve decided we’re now on a first name basis, and are meeting for scones, coffee, and giggle-filled chitchat on Saturday morning - she's buying), as one could do this with almost any piece of literature and use it as a crutch for proving some sort of cynical point (see: all my other blog posts).

In place of such nonsense, there will only be multiple complaints about how the first chapter completely goes off the deep end and thrusts (tee hee) us in the middle of some complicated spaceship maneuver, then dumps us in olden Texas for A LOVE STORY. 

NOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOO

The judge's daughter, Emily, helps to recover the alien Aurelius from his downed ship, and to hide him from curious visitors to her family's ranch. Naturally, Aurelius, who is from a different plane of existence, speaks perfect English. Now, I watch Star Trek, and ALL the aliens speak perfect English, but at least they explained it away with the universal translator business. An invention, by the way, that would be a boon to the mail-order bride industry. Just a thought. Anyway, he has superhuman powers and seems to calm even the most ornery animals and people with his touch. Naturally, he falls in love with Emily, and in true YA paranormal sci-fi whatever romance, they "have relations," which is par for the course, but this time it's a glowing alien and a teenage girl. I'm mildly curious as to how this was accomplished IN A PROFESSIONAL WAY YOU WEIRDO, but Ginger won't tell us in the story. So, Ginger, if you're reading this, email me with the subject line "NSFW ;)" so I know what to expect. 

Question: Where is the judge for all of this? He sort of whimsically shrugs and sighs. "That's my Emily, always getting romantically involved with aliens despite our objections. But hey, she's family. Let's eat!" Sure, Emily is spunky and independent, as most of our YA heroines tend to be, and off she goes with Aurelius. Dad, though, is a dope. He could have at least been imbued with some of the fire of Indiana Jones, or the weird hair of George Tsoukalas, or lived in a phone booth. In fact, I'm still not sure how those three inspirations yet tie into these books, so in order to find out, I mu$t continue the $erie$. 

The whole time Aurelius is recovering, or these two are flirting in the barn or riding horses, I'm thinking, WHERE ARE THE SPACESHIPS AND THE TRIBRIDS? I don't care about the rube of a sheriff or the federal marshals who know the judge is hiding something. THEY ARE NOTHING WHEN FACED WITH THE AWESOME POWER OF CHAPTER ONE. 

Anyway, there's a decent cliffhanger at the end, which sets the stage for part two. So, it's the old bait and switch, and I fell for it hard. And that's how I read my first sci-fi paranormal whatever love story. And I might read the next one. Please, stop me.

NEXT TIME, I YELL ABOUT

A YA novel that oversimplifies a decades-old conflict through the eyes of a little girl. Let's just say IT RUNS IN THE FAMILY!

BORING STUFF

Crash Landing: Aurora Conspiracy Prequel Series - Episode 1 

Ginger Gelsheimer & Christina Keats

2013 WheelMan Press