ROALD DAHL, HAVE MY BABIES
There is no substitute: Dahl is a charter member of my own personal Pantheon Of Greatness and is probably in yours, too, from his works for younger readers. Everyone remembers James & The Giant Peach, The BFG, and some incarnation of Charlie and the Chocolate Factory (If you prefer Johnny Depp's Willy Wonka to Gene Wilder's, please click here). This man mastered the language and broke its rules, but only because he knew them. He made us laugh and think as kids, but many do not know that he wrote for YA and adults as well, composing dozens of short stories throughout his career that span his own personal life and development, from quasi-fictional retelling of his WWII experiences as a pilot to tales of guile, betrayal, power, and the downfall of hubris. Invariably, in Dahl's world, someone gets what is coming.
As I re-read The Umbrella Man, a mixed short story collection gifted to me by a friend years ago, who found some of Dahl in me - a great honor to me and a woeful mistake on her part - I found Dahl to be prescient. His stories have been co-opted consciously or unconsciously by the generations after him, and never to the same degree of cleverness and skill. His oddball characters in strange situations, or puffed up, gentrified ingrates come to life and invigorate the imagination in ways most authors cannot channel. It's a gift. I should know because I found the receipt and returned it for cash. Whoops.
For this volume, I selected some of Dahl's stories that are directly related to a later product and attempt to establish the links between to you, my faithful three readers (Hi Dad!). This is more to demonstrate my thought process rather than to attempt to prove that the Dahl Family Trust should sue the people below for plagiarism.
WHAT WE TALK ABOUT WHEN WE TALK ABOUT ROALD DAHL STORIES
The Great Automatic Grammatizator: Here, a man pitches an idea for automated books, in which a machine strings together sentences on a topic to create a work of literature. No pesky writers and editors to pay, just R&D for the machine. But of course, that's not the whole story. One by one, legitimate writers sign lucrative contracts with the Grammatizator's corporation to never write again, sacrificing their artistic endeavors for soulless piles of money as this esteemed bastion of human creation becomes mechanized. The ending of this story is particularly macabre. Signature Dahl.
Reminds me of: the story about books written by algorithm, a software system that authors books on just about any topic, and can even write romance novels, which doesn't at all surprise me give how formulaic and predictable they are. Take me, Grammatizator, I burn for your touch! And get me out of this girdle; the crap I put up with to find a hunky prince.
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The Landlady: A young man travelling to his company's field office is drawn to a cozy inn for the night. There are only two other names in the guest book, and they look familiar. The landlady is creepy, and she has a plan for her guest.
Reminds me of:
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| Breakfast is at 8. I sit at the HEAD of the table! HA! HA! |
Parson's Pleasure: A con artist travels the English countryside posing as a minister who collects old furniture from rubes for a fictional preservation society. Naturally, he instead finds antique pieces and sells them at auction for high prices. He stops at a house of three distrusting hicks, who listen intently at all of his descriptions of how a person might imitate a particularly valuable table, and trust him enough to sell. They're not certain how such a large table will fit in his station wagon so they [no spoilers!]...
Reminds me of: I'm sure there's an Aesop fable just like this, except the "parson" is a grasshopper, the rubes are squirrels, and the furniture is a nest, or acorns or some crap.
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Katina: From 1944, Dahl writes about the RAF campaign in Greece, which is where he served. It's straightforward and a vivid account of the insanity of WWII, as he and his colleagues find an injured 9-year old Greek girl and essentially adopt her, until the Germans attack their airfield and all hell breaks loose. This is one of his earlier works, and does not have his devilish cleverness, but it
Reminds me of:
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| Two more in the Pantheon of Greatness. |
Kurt and Joe's contemporary. Dahl is best known for stories with mutated morals and biting wit, which is a fair approximation of how Kurt and Joe approached their characters as well. What if Billy Pilgrim had to fly missions over the BFG? Okay, that would be stupid.
Royal Jelly: A bee biologist and his wife are concerned about their infant child, who won't gain weight. Suddenly, the guy gets an idea to feed the baby royal jelly, which is produced as a growth serum for some bees. I forget all the scientific details, but the point is, this psycho feeds it to his baby, much to the shock and dismay of wife. Then it gets creepy.
Reminds me of:
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| A naked Jeff Goldblum is reason enough. |
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| Give them little lawnmowers so they can do their chores. |
Vengeance Is Mine, Inc.: Two unlucky young scamps in New York City hatch a plot to get revenge for socialites who are trashed in gossip columns. From a nose punch to a snake in a limo, they'll do the dirty work for a quick buck. Of course, the socialites are ruthless and pour money on these guys, who suddenly feel the pressure to perform.
Reminds me of:
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| Dead hookers! |
I AM RIGHT.
These stories are for YA and adults, and they're a fantastic continuation for readers who experienced Dahl as a child, and often can accompany discussions of morals and values, and asking students to make predictions based on what is usually an uncertain ending. I can't add much to the Dahl discussion, but I know greatness when I read it. Buy all his books and put his great-grandchildren through college.
NEXT TIME, I YELL ABOUT
A free book from the Kindle store. Why I was up at 4am trolling that trash heap, I'll never know. Let's just say this book ISN'T OFF THE CHAIN!
BORING STUFF
The Umbrella Man
Roald Dahl
1996 Puffin
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